Charles Keating: Dead at 90; Cover art for SCREW #1,129 by Yours Truly

Anti-porn crusader and convicted S&L scamster Charles H. Keating is dead at Age 90.

Here's Keating on the cover of SCREW #1,129, (issue dated October 22, 1990) with like-minded  sleazeballs Jimmy Swaggart, Jim & Tammy Bakker, Jesse Helms, & Father Bruce Ritter. SCREW publisher Al Goldstein was pleased to see the pious "Perversion for Profit" producer thrown in the slammer for fraud, and I'm pretty sure this cover concept came directly from Goldstein.

SCREW 1,228, cover art by Danny Hellman

Seemed like the right time to dust this one off.
Issue dated Sept. 14, 1992

Will this be my final Goldstein? Cover art for XPOSE Magazine, 2/7/14

Will this be my final Goldstein? 

Cover art for XPOSE Magazine, 2/7/14, art direction by Kevin Hein.

FARE THEE WELL, SMUT PEDDLER: Al Goldstein RIP (1936-2013)

Al Goldstein has taken the elevator to the big edit meeting in the sky. 

I'll leave the obit-writing to the professionals.

You'll find those here: http://www.nytimes.com/2013/12/20/nyregion/al-goldstein-pioneering-pornographer-dies-at-77.html?pagewanted=all

And here: http://observer.com/2013/12/al-goldstein-founder-of-screw-magazine-has-died/

All I have to add is this: Some people rear up in horror at the sight of pornography, and there's not much to be done about that. When considering porn, I think it's important to keep this in mind: some of our greatest artists and writers, (along with countless hacks) have turned to porn in the interest of scraping together a living. What they may have been surprised to discover in porn, (along with a modest paycheck) was artistic freedom. And THAT'S what I owe Al Goldstein.

For the last time: AL GOLDSTEIN IS NOT DEAD.

12/16/13: Confusion erupted early this morning when readers of magician Penn Jillette's Twitter feed read the following: "I'm in NYC. Today I visited my hero and friend Al Goldstein as he dies in the hospital, 

and tomorrow night I celebrate Lou Reed's Life. NYC"

Some readers, (including websites The RawStory.com and RealPornWikiLeaks) took this as a death announcement, which prompted Jillette to issue the following correction: "My buddy and hero, Al Goldstein is NOT dead.  He is unresponsive and not doing well, but he is alive. Try to stop the rumors. Thanks."

I now have a picture in my head left over from my old St Vincent's Hospital paper route: a type of patient the hospital personnel call a "gomer." These are bedridden old guys, mouths generally hanging slack, hovering unconscious in the twilight zone between life and death. They never bought any newspapers. Sobering and saddening to imagine one of humanity's most vociferous specimens reduced to this state. Think about it 

while you watch some vintage Midnight Blue clips: http://www.youtube.com/user/MBVids

(art by yours truly for the cover of SCREW #1,804, December 2006, art direction by Kevin Hein)

SCREW #1,280, cover art by Danny Hellman

A recent cover illo of mine for New Mexico alt weekly SANTA FE REPORTER seems to have ticked off some local Catholics, (as reported on ABC affiliate KOAT: http://www.koat.com/news/new-mexico/albuquerque/our-lady-of-guadalupe-in-bikini/-/9153728/20701882/-/15nvur2/-/index.html). In the interest of letting no wound go unsalted, I thought this might be the appropriate time to post one of my blasphemous SCREW covers. 

The Catholic Church and SCREW, (whose pages were, after all, dedicated in large part to hooker ads) would seem to be natural enemies, and cover art razzing the church was always welcome at the World's Greatest Newspaper. In the Fall of '93, Pope John Paul II was on a world tour, which prompted publisher Al Goldstein to call for a cover and two page comic strip depicting the pontiff as "Pope Man," a Catholic caped crusader. As would happen on countless occasions, the task of translating Goldstein's inspiration into lines on paper fell upon my humble shoulders, and in this instance at least, revisiting the drawing two decades later is not so terribly painful for me.

SCREW #1,280 is dated September 13th, 1993. Art direction by Kevin Hein.

Where have you gone, Rodney King?

SCREW’s take on the 1991 roadside beating: 

a hot guy-on-guy S/M session gone bad, 

(I guess Rodney forgot his safe word).

The Forgotten SCREW Cover Art of Tony Millionaire

MAAKIES cartoonist Tony Millionaire has been giving me shit over some mildly risque designs I drew recently for BROKEN SKATEBOARDS, (available for purchase here: http://brokenskateboards.nl/products/ ) so I thought I'd dig deep into my archives in order to spend the next few weeks exploring the forgotten SCREW cover art of Tony Millionaire.

Known to today's readers primarily as a children's author, few would suspect that the avuncular creator of wholesome properties like BILLY HAZELNUTS and TONY MILLIONAIRE'S SOCK MONKEY™ was in earlier decades impoverished enough to turn up, hat-in-hand at the door of  at 116 West 14th Street in NYC, address of the World's Greatest Newspaper? Truly those must've been dark times.

Millionaire's SCREW cover drawings, while in no way erotic, are interesting nonetheless for the peek they offer into what is clearly a uniquely disturbed imagination. Let's begin our exploration with SCREW #1,416, dated April 22nd, 1996: the cover drawing shows a creature, (most likely an ape) dressed in human clothing, preparing to reap a harvest of what are apparently human breasts, while a nude woman watches angrily from a perch in a nearby tree.

This unsettling image leaves the viewer with a multitude of questions: what does the simian gardener plan to do with his vegetables post-harvest? Is he engaged in some evil experiment involving genetically-altered crops? Why is the nude woman displeased? Is she the monkey's spouse, and if so, is she jealous of the attention being showered on this garden of human breasts? Why would a woman be married to a monkey, and more importantly, how did this cover drawing, laden with implications of bestiality, slip past SCREW's guidelines banning any depiction of human/animal relationships?

Perhaps its best not to ponder the meaning of this drawing too long. I fear that in this case, the search for understanding will send the viewer down a twisting tunnel that leads to confusion, despair, and ultimately madness. More Millionaire next week!

SCREW #1339: At His Satanic Majesty's Request

For those of you who may have been wondering, "when's Hellman gonna post one of his own covers?," here's one of mine. While I don't want this blog to degenerate into my own personal egomaniacal thrill ride, I will occasionally weaken and post my own work, especially when requested to do so by a reader. In this instance, that reader is none other than former SCREW editor, the notorious David Aaron Clark.

I spent innumerable hours up at SCREW's office during the'90s shooting the shit with Dave Clark, gassing about movies, comics, and just plain gossiping. I did more than a few freebie drawings for Clark's numerous extracurricular projects, including posters for his band False Virgins.

I'll never forget the sight of Clark and his colleague, SCREW editor John Walsh rolling around on the office floor, wrestling. I'm not sure what inspired the impromptu bout, (most likely a disagreement over punctuation) but the moment was charged with the same blistering sensuality that made Ken Russell's film "Women In Love" a classic in the annals of erotic cinema.

I also fondly remember a bit of graffiti scrawled on the wall in SCREW's tiny elevator vestibule that read "Dave Clark eats turds." Shortly after the graffiti appeared, the clever SCREW editor deftly altered it to read, "Dave Clark Five beats The Byrds." Surely that took some kind of genius...?

Mr. Clark has long since moved far away to the West Coast to toil in the adult film industry, but a small piece of Dave still remains in my heart, leaving me with just one question: can anyone out there recommend a good cardiac surgeon?

SCREW #1339's cover features a drawing of Brazilian horror filmmaker & star José Mojica Marins, aka "Coffin Joe." I'm ashamed to admit that I have yet to make it all the way through any of Marins' films, but Clark is a Coffin Joe fan, hence his request to see this cover posted.

I can't say whether or not this drawing captures the vibe of Marins' films. I will say that, as Danny Hellman SCREW covers go, it's one of middling quality. Not a half-assed hack job, (of which there were many), but not one of my personal favorites, either. My attitude towards devil worship is one of sneering disdain, and I think the drawing's goofy depiction of Satanists reflects that. The color separation is adequate but not spectacular, and the registration on the red plate is clearly off. Possibly a treat for Coffin Joe fans, but not my proudest achievement by a long shot. Enjoy, Dave.